??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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