just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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