I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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