I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I died a long time ago.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
