i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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