her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize