i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize