so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
