i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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