Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
