Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Vodka?
Forever.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
