i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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