Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
