dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
