you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
