I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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