SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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