if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
