Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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