there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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