the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
