I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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