i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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