Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
