fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
