so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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