Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
