Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
