Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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