Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
