New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
