The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
