So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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