The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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