i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
