Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
