Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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