I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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