I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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