whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
