i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
