And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
