I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
