I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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