I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
worst night to have a conscience
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
