Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
