wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
