These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
