anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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