i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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