Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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