the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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