I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
