Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
