Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
