The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want a musical about memes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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