Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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