he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
