do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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