Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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