Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
