My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize